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Oh...the providence of God.
I went out to the mailbox this morning and in it was an insurance package from Blue Cross.
With coverage effective for all of us 3/1/2009.
Not April 1st...March 1st.
I had been told there was no way they would be able to process it by March 1st.
Guess God had a different plan.
Thank you, Father.
Next hurdle...my former company owes me about $3,000 in commissions from my last month and it is proving to be very difficult to try and obtain this so far. I'm holding onto that they are going to keep their word and take care of this for me but I'll feel better once that check is in my hand. They have paid me my last month severance check and paid out my 3 weeks of vacation so maybe this is just a temporary snag.
I had a long talk with John last night and I feel so much better today. I explained to him that I know he is worried/frustrated as well but I need some input from him. I need him to talk to me and give me ideas and not just shrug his shoulders when I present a problem. I have felt lately like all this is on me and while that is not his intention...that is how it comes across to me at times.
Also, God has convicted me so much about how materialistic I've been in the past. There is very little I can do to go and fix what has already been done but man, will I make better decisions in the future.
I have a generous heart and I love buying gifts for friends and plan to continue to do so...I love that part of my heart. That isn't what I'm talking about.
But...I also have big cases of the Wants the majority of the time...not the Needs...the Wants.
I was complaining to a friend about how awful it was to go through the experience at the doctor's office and that I'm sure thousands of other mothers go through that then have to walk back out to their cars...and then it hit me. I do not mean this to sound pretentious in the least but God pushed it in the forefront of my mind so strongly...
I'm walking out to my VOLVO...to drive home to my very nice house. Thousands of other mothers don't do that. They may not have a car or it is on its last legs. They may drive to an apartment or a home not big enough for their family.
When I bought the car 4 years ago I felt like I deserved something I really, really wanted. I was doing better than I ever had in my career and making more money than I ever had before. I picked it out and it was inside my price range and I WANTED it. I love the car. It is the best car I've ever driven and I feel safe in it.
BUT...and this is the important part...I didn't NEED it. There were plenty of other cars that would have suited our needs just fine.
It was totally a status thing. Prideful. A want on my part. John was against spending that much money for a car but since it was money from my job we were using he gave in.
There is nothing wrong with having nice things...but have I let those things define me in the past?
So much to think about and so much to learn from this season in my life.
3 years ago
3 comments:
See, God is already blessing you. You should make a label for these blessings so that you can keep track of them during this time of jobloss!
Sometimes, when we first learn about being a submissive wife and longing for our husband's opinion they are afraid to give it...especially if we haven't listened to them in the past or ignored their advice or their wishes.
Just let him know that you value his input and that you need him to come alongside you in this and walk with you and encourage you and be a team. Hopefully with your encouragement he will open up and just give you his thoughts and not be afraid of rejection.
In the past, my hubby would give a thought and I would shoot it down, to the point where he just didn't feel like giving it anymore. As you continue to let him know you'll listen hopefully he'll open up!
BTW, I didn't mean to say that you were causing your hubby to feel like you weren't listening to him. I was just speaking out of my own experience.
As someone who knows you IRL you are being to hard on yourself. You are one of the kindest friends and neighbors. You give so much of your time, energy and finances to help others so it isn't like you are so wrapped up in yourself you never take time for others or try to step in and help.
I see nothing wrong with rewarding your hard work as long as you recognize where your blessings come from and that you take the time to give back. You do these things and have a good heart.
Keep on hanging in there. We know this is a temporary thing in your life and are excited to see where God takes you from here.
J
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