Monday, January 26, 2009

This was when it changed...

I got into my car on Saturday morning and I think the realization that I have no job really hit me. The majority of our household income came from my salary. All of our insurance was through my job. We luckily can get insurance through John's company but it isn't as good and is more expensive than what we had through mine.

I sat in the car for a little while and fear began to overwhelm me. But then I prayed and asked God to give me peace to calm my worried mind.

I flipped on the radio and this song was just coming on...

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of?
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

I am not my own
I've been carried by you all my life

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free


Thank you, Father for carrying me. Thank you for reminding me that you always have. Thank you for your grace.

I had to drive to my office to clean out some things and it wasn't a fun morning. People stopping by to tell me how sorry they were and if there was anything they could do. I was determined to keep on a happy face and to not let them know how devastated I am.

One lady that works in my building that I don't know that well at all came into my office with a piece of paper. She said, "I'm supposed to give this to you today."

On the paper was written a prayer from a devotion that she gets via email each day.

It read:

Lord, help me have joy in my heart today, because as certain as you are, my circumstances will change. There will come a day when I too will be able to look back and say, "This was when it changed." Whether today, tomorrow or a long time, I set my heart to trust your timing and unfailing promises, regardless of present circumstances. In Jesus' name, amen.

Father, again thank you for your grace. Thank you for the reminders you send us that your promises are unfailing.

And now I have peace. My mind isn't troubled. My heart is still and calm. I know there will be days that I'm down about this but I also know it isn't going to be this way forever.

As certain as you are, Father, my circumstances will change. I set my heart to trust your timing.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Back from the Hospital

Things went well. We had a little scare when they thought they might have to cancel the surgery today. The anestheiologist didn't like how his lungs sounded. But, they gave him a breathing treatment and had us wait a bit. She came back and listened again and said his lungs still sounded junky but that the surgery was so fast that she thought he would be fine. She reassured me they would have the measures there if he needed to be put on a breathing tube or anything like that.

They let me walk him down just outside of the OR then I had to hand him over. That is the worst feeling in the world.

I went back to his room and had time to listen to one song on my iPod before the doctor came in. I thought he was there to talk to us before he went in to do the surgery but he had already finished! I was shocked at how quickly he came back to us.

They brought him back to me about 20 minutes later and he was not a happy camper. He cried non stop all through check out and half way home in the van. But then he drifted off to sleep and has been asleep since then.

Poor little guy...I bet he is going to be starving when he wakes up.

I called Patrick and Josh's school and left a message for each of them that Colin did fine. Josh called me last night from my parent's house crying his eyes out that he wanted me to come get him and take him home. He NEVER does this when he stays with my parents.

I had to tell him that he had to stay there and I would pick him up this afternoon. He finally settled down when my Dad told him he would play poker with him. They bet with pennies. Go Grumps with the suggestion that calmed Josh down.

I don't think John or me slept much last night at all. We are about to take a nap while Colin is sleeping.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The hits just keep on coming...

Back from the ENT with Colin. Not good.

The ENT had a hearing test done on him and he is actually losing his hearing due to all the fluid in his ears. He did very poorly on the test.

They have scheduled him for surgery at 6AM tomorrow.

I asked if it was necessary to do it so soon and he said, "Yes. It is."

The anesthesiologist came out and talked to me and she was super nice. Very reassuring.

She did say that because he is only 6 months old that sometimes in that age their hearts have a tendency to slow down when they are put under so they will be giving him a shot after he's under to speed up his heart rate.

She said it sounds scarier than it is but I don't think so. It sounds pretty scary to me.

Then I went to my office to pick up some of my things and was told I might not possibly be given some of the commission money I have EARNED because it wouldn't hit the books until March and you officially have to be on the payroll in order to get commissions.

I told my boss I expected him to address this with the higher ups and get it fixed for me.

He came back later and said all he could do was 6%...not the 10% I earned. So that sucks.

I can't really think about the job stuff right now. I'm just focused on Colin and getting him well.

John reminded me today that God won't give me anything that he doesn't know I can handle. I wish God didn't trust me so much.

I'm going to be a nervous wreck tomorrow even though I know it is a routinue procedure with very low risks.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So...I lost my job today.

Yep. No warning. No idea it was coming. Went down for a 3PM meeting that I thought was about one thing then discovered it was about my losing my job.

I have one month's salary coming to me but my insurance will end January 31st.

I'm a little shell shocked...I gotta be honest. But, on the drive home I kept telling myself, "Everything works for good for those who love the Lord."

Time to put my faith that I claim into action. I trust you, Father. I know you haven't brought me this far to leave me now.

I was in management...the VP of Marketing...so I was the first to go. From what I hear there are going to be others in the next week.

I have to go to the office tomorrow and clean out my stuff, go through my files, say my goodbyes.

And it is going to suck. I love my job and the people I work with. I have no clue what I'm going to do or where I may end up but I want to think this is God's way to take me down a different path...one that may bring unexpected blessings that I never dreamed of.

I have to hold onto that because otherwise I'm going to cry and I just had my eyebrows done and that would be bad.

Please pray for me and my family. Pray specifically that I lean on God faithfully during this time. That I trust his plan above my own and not try to dictate my direction from here on out but follow the path he wants me on.

I have absolutely no idea how we are going to make things work financially if I don't find something in the next month. BUT, I know my God is bigger than that.

I have no idea how I'm going to write the check to pay the deposit for summer camp at the Y for my boys. BUT, I know my God is bigger than that.

I have no idea how I'm going to pay the car insurance due next month and both our life insurance policies. BUT, I know my God is bigger than that.

My mind is reeling on all the things I need to try and handle but for now, I want to sit back and take this all in and not make any rash decisions.

Just pray that I do what God desires.

We had a sermon recently about God breaking us and asking him to do so in order for him to make something better and completely new.

So...I guess this is God breaking me. Jesus, bring the rain. If that is what it takes for me to praise you...bring it.

I trust you, Father.

The Castle and the Poop

This story came up over the weekend and I really need to post it.

When John and I first started dating Patrick was 4 years old. One afternoon we decided to take Patrick to the nearest Burger King to get a milkshake and to let him play in their castle.

It was a beautiful warm day and John and I were sitting, enjoying the sunshine. There were no other kids around and Patrick was in heaven. All of a sudden Patrick came running to us with a horrified look on his face. He had his hands up on either side of his face like the kid in Home Alone.

"MOMMY! OH, MOMMY! I pooped in the castle!"

I was confused at first about what he meant.

"Oh, sweetie...you had an accident in your pants when you were playing in the castle?"

"NO, MOMMY! IN the castle. I pooped IN the castle!"

It then hit me that he had pooped somewhere deep inside the plastic castle at Burger King.

I immediately turned to John and said, "What do we do?"

And like any good father he said, "Let's get out of here!"

But my mommy instincts kicked in and I said there was no way we could just leave it in there for some poor kid to come across.

So...John gathered some napkins and crawled his way into the castle.

A few minutes later he came out with a small parcel and deposited it in the trash can.

He then looked at me and said, "Don't ever tell me I don't love you."

And in that moment I knew this was the man I wanted to marry.

This story has made the rounds in our family. I didn't realize how much until recently when Patrick told Josh he was an annoying jerk Josh looked at him, smugly, and said, "Yeah?...At least I didn't poop in the castle!"

The secret of victory over any sin

Refuse to entertain it. Even for a moment.

How often do we let negative thoughts and doubt keep us from what God wants for us? If you are me then the answer would be..."All the time."

I can be on the path to something I know God desires me to do or wants for me then BAM...out of nowhere...I start to doubt myself. Doubt my abilities. Doubt whether the path is right or not. Whether I'm supposed to be doing this or not. If I'm capable. If I'm the right person for the job.

Know what that is? Satan. Trying to mislead my thoughts. Trying to keep me from doing what I clearly know is God's will. Trying to stir up doubt in my mind.

I'm so thankful for God's patience with me. I think about life with my own children. How frustrated I get when I have asked them to do something over and over again and they still do their own thing. Bet that's what God feels like often.

There are things I want to keep my children from. Hurt. Disappointment. Anger. Rejection. Fear.

God wants the same thing for his children.

Things I want my children to grasp. Kindness. Integrity. Success and satisfaction with their lives. Peace.

And God wants the same thing for his children.

I'm making it a priority to keep on the path...to stay the course. To not let thoughts that clearly are not from God sway me.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

What a great weekend!

We had an amazing weekend with our friends from Chicago. It was a whole lot of talking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company. Also, there is nothing like having these 3 girls go shopping with me and tell me what works and what doesn't. Such a great time! I am so thankful for their friendship.

Colin has 2 ear infections again. We have been referred to an ENT Specialist at Children's South to talk about tubes. At this point it may be the best thing for all of us if he is going to keep getting these infections time and time again.

He's on a 3rd antibiotic right now to hopefully get us through until Thursday and see what that doctor has to say.

All 3 of my friends ended up going to church with me on Sunday morning and some good discussion generated from them going. I'll continue to pray for them and hope God has planted a seed.

Between Colin not feeling well and having company until last night I'm exhausted today.

Tonight is our monthly dinner with our neighbors and I am so glad it isn't my turn to host. Bless one of my sweet neighbors for understanding that I work and bringing a salad tonight would be wonderful for me.

I am still working on my Bible studies and have gotten great feedback on the 2 I've completed so far. I had 2 friends read them and give me their input.

I was able to watch the Inauguration today and what an amazing day! I pray he is a good leader for our country and that he and his family stay safe during these years.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hi/Lo Thursday

This post is part of "Hi/Lo Thursday" on Riggs Family Blog (www.riggsfamilyblog.com):


My high for the week?

Last night's House of Prayer service that I blogged about earlier today. Amazing. Just beautiful.

My low for the week?

Hearing that some friends are filing for separation. Knowing without a doubt this is Satan getting in the way of something big God has planned for this weekend by throwing this obstacle up.

Finally, if you could spare a thought and prayer for the Riggs family I am sure they would appreciate it greatly. Pray for Abby and for peace for her parents.

House of Prayer

This week has been an amazing week. I am continually astounded at how God works in ways I would never have imagined. After all...my thoughts are not his.

Last night at House of Prayer it was so moving and special...these sessions on Wednesday nights are turning into my favorite parts of our church.

We began by praying for our country...for revival...for our leaders. We broke off into groups of 3-5 and prayed aloud...all at the same time. It was this beautiful sound of quiet voices being lifted up all around the church.

Afterward we talked about needs in the church. So many people losing jobs, families without insurance now, marriage crisis, financial crisis, problems with their children, just on and on.

As each person shares their story others surround them and pray for them. How thankful I am that during these meetings we can be real and open and honest with each other. We don't hide behind worrying about what others might think. We don't feel ashamed to ask for help. We can cry out to our church and be willing to have them pray for us and with us.

I shared last night about my friends that are flying in tomorrow and will be attending church with me on Sunday. I was immediately surrounded by people, all praying for my friends, all praying that God will reveal himself in a way they can't deny he is real and he is God. Praying for them to have a safe flight. Praying for them to be open to seeing what God will reveal. Praying for me and my family to be good hosts and to continue to be an example. It was so humbling and moving.

So today...I'm especially thankful for:

My church and the leadership
The members of my church and their spirit for prayer over each other
The people God has brought into my life in the most unusual ways

Thank you, Father that you have brought me to this place. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for showing me your faithfulness over and over again. Thank you for anyone reading these words right now, Father. Bless them. Watch over them and their families. Put up walls of protection around them and reveal yourself to them in ways they have never imagined.


**UPDATED** God is so good. As I finished this up my friend, Leigh, who was at House of Prayer last night emailed me the following...thank you Leigh for your heart.

How are you this morning, friend? I woke up early with you and your friends on my mind and went before our God on their behalf. After I stopped praying, I opened my Bible and God sent me to Hebrews and I wanted to share a couple of verses with you that He put on my heart for you.

Hebrews 4:14

14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[e] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.

Hebrews 10-23-25

23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.


I’ve only been led to specific scriptures a couple of times in my life so I felt like I had to send these to you. I’m not sure exactly why God gave them to me, but I hope they mean something to you.

Please know you are in my heart today and always.
Love,
Leigh

Amber made me do it!



Amber tagged me to do this photo deal...you go and find the folder you keep your photos in and grab the 4th one.

So...Halloween with John, Josh and Colin was my 4th picture. YAY!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Slow Fade

In preparing some of these Bible studies I'm working on I am working on a section about obstacles in marriage. I'm discussing several obstacles but two in particular: infidelity and temptations.

It bugs me that the majority of stories you hear or movies of the week are always focused on the man being tempted...the man having the affair...the man leaving his family. It is a stereotype that is not accurate. Women are just as capable of giving in to temptation and having affairs. It happens. Trust me.

You are probably familiar with the Casting Crowns song, Slow Fade.

The first time I heard this song I swear it was written for me. It was creepy...like someone has your life under a microscope and knows exactly what is or has been going on.

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade...


I never meant to have an affair. I honestly ignored all the signs and warnings until I was well in over my head and quickly drowning in deceit. I had an ideal husband. Thoughtful. Handsome. Smart. Funny. A good Dad. Helps me around the house...if I make him a list. And he would want me to throw in rippling muscles here too. :o) From all outside eyes we had a great marriage. Compatible. Spent lots of time together. Took fun trips. Went on dates. Everything seemed perfect. Then it wasn't.

The reason our marriage almost failed was the strongest example I personally have ever had of how Satan works in our lives at times. I was thisclose to losing my marriage and my family over what I thought were greener pastures.

Only when I turned it over to God did my circumstances change. Yes, I had to put in tremendous effort, but that beginning point…that surrendering to God is what started the ball rolling. Yes, there was hurt and immense pain, disappointment, anger, bitterness and an overwhelming sense of failure. But now I can say with complete certainty there is peace. I hadn’t had peace in such a long time. I have it now and I won’t do anything to jeopardize it again. My life is far from perfect but having peace again is something I value every single day.


I became close to someone in my office and a few conversations turned into long lunches, then spending more and more time together, then emails throughout the day, then an ongoing physical, emotional and mental affair. It got to the point I considered life without my husband and my children in order to continue to have this relationship. At one point I convinced myself that my children would actually be better off if I weren’t a part of their lives. This man had a wife and 2 wonderful children as well. Not only was I throwing away my children’s security and happiness but his children’s too. We had ourselves convinced it eventually would be better for everyone if we were together because then we would be so HAPPY. The myth of happiness that we let ourselves believe. The myth that Satan perpetuates in our minds.

My husband confronted me with my affair on 3 separate occasions and each time I begged his forgiveness. I cried. I pleaded. I made all sorts of promises. I swore it would never happen again and every single time I failed. And every single time he forgave me and we tried to put it behind us. We didn’t go to counseling. We didn’t pray about it. We just said we were going to be okay and then we went right on along the same path and we couldn’t figure out why we kept getting the same results. We would take a fantastic trip together, just the two of us, and think that was the way to get our marriage back in focus. And each time we ended up back at square one.

I put my marriage, my family, my career, my reputation and everything that mattered to me at risk for absolutely nothing. But, at the time, I thought it was everything and I couldn’t see past the facade of that relationship to see how much I was truly risking by being in it.

I remember walking in once on my husband, literally on his knees, praying after I had yet again broken my promises and yet again been found out. I don’t know exactly what he was praying for. The ability to forgive? Strength? Courage? I actually laughed at him and remember saying, “Good luck with that…it doesn’t work.” I had allowed Satan to have such a stronghold in my life that I didn’t even believe in prayer any longer.

I would be driving home after work or a business trip, after spending time with this other man and thinking that I didn’t want to feel guilty anymore. I didn’t want to feel convicted about what I was doing. I didn’t want anymore guilt. I wanted to do what I wanted to do and not have to think about the consequences or feel remorse. I asked God once to just let me go. I was so angry and disgusted that I shouted out loud in the car, “LET ME GO…LEAVE ME ALONE” and I heard a barely audible voice reply so kindly and patiently “I can’t.” I have never audibly heard the voice of God until this day. And I felt a warmth and a peace but I pushed it aside.

Again, I kept trying it my way. I quit my job to remove myself from seeing this person every day and within 2 days of leaving I was seeing him again even more than when we worked together. I couldn’t break this bond I thought we had no matter what I tried to do. We discussed plans for the future we thought we had and tried to figure out a way to minimize the damage we knew we were going to create.

After being confronted a third time by my husband and him telling me he couldn’t do it anymore and he was leaving me, I remember talking to God and saying, “I can’t do this. I can’t walk away from this other relationship even if it costs me everything. But, if you will help me get this person out of my heart and my mind and my life I’ll try but I can’t do it by myself. You have to help me.”

After I prayed this I made a decision to have no contact with this other person. I started out telling myself I would try to go a week and not call or email or see him. I honestly didn’t know if I could do it but I knew I was going to try and see what happened.

One week turned into a month…then 2 months then 6 months and so on. I made a promise to my husband that I would never hurt him like I had again and it’s a promise I intend to keep with God’s help.

We started seeing a counselor together and we made an effort to do what it took…whatever it took…to heal our marriage. And it took a lot. It was work. It was not easy in the least and it still isn't. It is a daily affirming of our comittment to our marriage.

Here we are a little over 2 years later and we are in a better place than we ever have been before. We are closer than we have ever been before. Yes, he still does things that I could break his neck for and I’m sure I do the same…but our stake is in the ground. We aren’t going anywhere. I begin my day each morning with a prayer thanking God for my husband, for my children and for peace again. I know with certainty he’s the only man I’ll ever love for the rest of my life and he’s the only man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Not everyone has to go through something like this to understand God’s faithfulness but I’m hard headed. I have to crash into that brick wall before I learn God’s lessons.

It’s my prayer daily that God continues to strengthen my marriage and makes me into the wife and mother my husband and children deserve.

I tell you all this to assure you there isn’t anything in your life right now that is bigger than God’s grace and God’s faithfulness.

He has so many blessings he wants to pour out into our lives but we prevent him from doing so by our choices and sinful nature. It’s only when we surrender and tell him we place our burden in his hands that we can begin to heal and begin to experience the life he wants for us. Sometimes it takes 2 years…sometimes longer…but God is faithful.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Unexpected Happenings

There is some stuff going on that may result in my leading a much needed Bible study for women at our church. I'm working it out with a good friend from our Small Group, approaching the appropriate church leadership to get it off the ground and fleshing out some topics.

So far I have:

Marriage: Overcoming Obstacles and Learning to Lean on God’s Faithfulness
Becoming a Woman with the Heart of a Servant
How Women are Attacked through Our Emotions
Surrendering Our Kids to God
The Stronghold of Fear
Even Jesus Said No at Times: Taking Time Out and Not Feeling Guilty About It
God Loves Impossible Odds

And then I have a very tongue in cheek one that John thinks I should leave out all about vanity entitled: All You Really Need in Life is Jesus and Good Hair.

I am very much in prayer over this...how it is shaping up...how the topics are coming together...how I can be an effective leader.

But I'm excited about the direction it is going in. It is a very unexpected turn of events but it is funny how God works like that some times.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Not me, Monday.



And now a list of things that I totally did not do in the last week...

As I was pacing the floor with Colin, I did not see pears on his eyebrow from an attempt to get him to eat something, and lick them off. Not me! I would have stopped and gotten him a warm washcloth and bathed his little face lovingly.

After arguing with my husband about something truly stupid, I never would have intentionally hidden his gym shoes so he couldn't go work out. Not me! I am above such petty, childish acts. I would have sat down with him and talked about my need for him to stay home and help me with the boys in a mature, adult fashion. Our marriage is a beacon for all others and we never drop down to such tactics.

I did not put bacon in the microwave for Josh and instead of setting it for 30 seconds set it for 3 minutes. Not me! I'm a culinary genius and everything I cook turns out to perfection.

I did not let Josh and Patrick stay in their jammies for 3 days straight and finally Josh said, "Mommy...don't we need to take a shower some time?" I also did not forget to have them brush their teeth for 2 days either. Not me! I am a mother who is on top of it at all times and even when I'm exhausted I keep my kids clean and healthy.

I did not tell my 6 year old that Santa had a month clause where he could come back and take all the toys he brought if you didn't behave. Not me! I'm a patient mother who uses these little instances as teachable moments.

I did not make a resolution to get healthy this year and stop eating junk and drop 15pounds then follow it up THE VERY NEXT DAY by eating a cheddar burger, chili fries and a chocolate peanut butter shake at Johnny Rockets. Not me! I am the very picture of willpower.

I most certainly did not take the offer of my very sweet neighbor to take the boys for a few hours so John and I could get some sleep and then spend that time vegging out on the couch playing the Wii. Not me! I would have used this time wisely to catch up on my sleep or do the mounds of laundry around my house.

Because my office has been really quiet lately, I certainly did not bring a book with me to read. Not me! I am a productive employee who never would have taken advantage of my company in such a way by reading a book in my office, while wearing comfy socks and drinking hot chocolate. I would have taken initiative and found something to do to keep myself busy.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Seeking Approval from People or God?

Just finished reading a good book all about whether we are seeking God's approval or the approval of people.

There was a section of questions that helped you decide where you fell in the spectrum that I found interesting.

1) Am I preoccupied with the opinion of others? For me, personally, not so much.

2) Do I confront corporately, but not personally? I'm in the middle on this one.

3) Do I become self-conscious, paranoid or intimidated easily? In the middle.

4) Am I defensive or antagonistic when I am criticized, rejected or corrected? YES

5) Do I have to retain control over others most of the time? DOUBLE YES.

6) Am I frequently nervous and does my nervousness lead to demonstrating nervous habits? No.

7) Do I exaggerate the facts or give partial information to improve my image? No.

8) Do I drop names so others will be impressed? No.

9) Do I have trouble being transparent and honest with people about my weaknesses, fearing they will think less of me if they know the truth about me? Nope.

10) Are my feelings easily hurt? Not easily hurt but when they are I tend to focus on it longer than I should.

11) Do I have difficulty serving others? No...I do believe I have a servant's heart on things.

12) Do I have difficulty allowing others to serve me? Yes. Absolutely.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

On repeat in my iPod lately

Love this song.


Praying in the garden
You saw the crowd a-coming
Betrayed by the one that called you King
You could’ve called a band of angels
To come and save the day
But instead you chose to stay
You didn’t run away

In the very front of your mind
While the blood was flowing
You saw my face as you cried
Certain in knowing
Tears, blood, and pain in the sand
True love was pouring
True love was pouring from your hand

Bruised and beaten
Appeared you were defeated
But things aren’t always what they seem
They thought when they placed your body
Into an empty grave
It would end all debate
But the stone was rolled away

In the very front of your mind
While the blood was flowing
You saw my face as you cried
Certain in knowing
Tears, blood, and pain in the sand
True love was pouring
True love was pouring from the
Same hand that washes clean
And sets the captive free
Same hand that calmed the sea
And the one that rescued me

In the very front of your mind
While the blood was flowing
You saw my face as you cried
Certain in knowing
Tears, blood, and pain in the sand
True love was pouring
True love was pouring from your hand.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Ready? Set? Read!

I had intended to roll this out January 1st but then...well, life happened and John got sick and Colin got sick and there you go. I'm a few days late. Bygones.

ANYway...remember when you used to read and how much you loved it? No? Well then haven't you always wanted to read more? Here's your chance.

The 2009 52 Book Project. That's right. 52 books in 2009. You can do it...I promise.

Soon I'll have a button added to my blog you can add to your blog if you want to participate in the challenge.

It's easy. Just read on average one book every week. For those weeks when life happens, read something short. Books of the Bible totally count so use this to help you read more of God's word. There are some short books too so use them on those weeks you need the boost.

Update and post your list as you finish each book and hopefully this time next year we'll look back and see our accomplishments.

Once we get this up and running recommend books to others, see something on the list you want to book swap with someone else, encourage and hold accountable your friends participating. Post about it on your blog and get others in on the fun.

I believe in setting goals/making resolutions but making them attainable too so you don't feel like a failure when you can't live up to the unrealistic resolution you made. (I told you I'm still working on losing some weight from 2002...I'll let you know if I reach that goal in 2009). This one should be pretty easy to keep up with and fun to boot!

So jump right in! Post a comment if you would like to participate and once I get the button made we can go from there in getting the word out and making this something fun and encouraging.

I'll start...

1. The Sound of God's Applause: Living a Life that Glorifies the Father by Les Hughes


Now go read!

52 in 2009!

Monday, January 5, 2009

Back.

Back from a very long and tiring morning at the doctor. First off, I am so thankful for the group we go to. It is a thirty minute drive from our house and when people ask me why in the world I drive so far when there are perfectly good doctors around here I tell them it is because I have complete trust in this group. They have been with me through some rocky scares with my boys and every single time they reassure me, they walk me through the medical jargon and they listen to me.

Colin's regular doctor was out of the office today so we saw another one. Love her. She took about 15 minutes with Colin just listening to his chest and looking in his ears and talking to him. No in and out with these guys.

She handed him back to me and said that his lungs sound okay but he has 2 of the worst looking ears she has seen. In fact, she said if they had any medical students or interns in the office today she would have asked our permission to let them examine Colin as well to see this kind of infection.

She said we could try a third antibiotic or we could get aggressive and do a shot today, one tomorrow, one Wednesday then recheck things. I asked her, as I always do, "What would you do if this were your baby?" and without hesitation she told me she would do the round of 3 shots. She said Colin is in pain and this will help get him better faster.

So that's what we are doing. Got the first shot today then had to stick around for half an hour to make sure he had no kind of reaction. I'll work from home tomorrow and take him back for the 2nd one and then we'll just see how things go on Wednesday as to whether John will take a day off or if I'll work from home again.

Thank you so much for the comments and emails and prayers. I appreciate each and every single one.

Last night was rough...he cried and cried and cried and then I cried and cried because I just didn't know what to do for him and felt like I was failing him somehow by not making it better.

Lots of prayer lifted up and snuggling with him on the couch helped us both calm down. But, then he would cough and gag and gasp in his sleep so I got no sleep at all until 3:30 this morning. I finally gave in and woke John up and asked him if he could take over so I could at least get 3-4 hours.

Exhausted today but glad that we hopefully are going to turn a corner.

Thanks again!

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Still not better

4AM. Can't sleep. Have been up walking back and forth with Colin until the poor, tired baby gave in to sleep. Now he's on the couch laying on his Daddy's chest and I'm watching both of them sleep and thinking we are going to the doctor first thing on Monday.

I have to think that after 2 rounds of antibiotics and this many days he would be showing improvement. He isn't worse really...just no change...still miserable.

Our neighbor did watch the boys for a couple hours yesterday and she said he slept most of the time but that he wasn't the same Colin he usually is.

His regular doctor is out of the office on Monday but I really like one of the others in the group so I'm hoping she will be in.

Maybe I'm just not being patient but I want him to show some sign of getting better after this much time and this much medicine going into his little body.

I'm keeping the Tylenol in him and that seems to help...he gets REALLY cranky if I miss a dose due to him napping.

He normally will take an 8 ounce bottle every 4 or so hours and he is now doing maybe 5 ounces every 6 hours. Refusing any baby food at all. At least he is eating something...if he still was refusing food completely we would have already been back at the doctor long ago.

John is responding well to the 4 prescriptions he got...$200 worth WITH insurance. I don't know how people without insurance do it...I guess they don't get the medicine they truly need. I complain about the cost of our health care all the time but thank God we have it.

I don't sleep well when any of the boys are sick so I'm also ready for Colin to feel better so I can selfishly get some rest.

I'll work from home on Monday, get him back to the doctor and go from there.

He doesn't show the same signs Josh did when he had RSV so that is a very good thing but I'm still worried about this congestion all in his chest.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Yuck!

I'm feeling worse. Colin seems to be making a little improvement but if we don't see some major changes by tomorrow he is heading back to the doctor first thing on Monday.

And...I finally convinced John to go to the doctor today. Pneumonia. Yep. Not the contagious bacterial kind though so...Yay. I guess?

Our very sweet neighbor that I haven't talked to in a couple weeks called and asked if she could please take the boys for a few hours tomorrow for us to go see a movie or something. A movie? What's that? I explained to her that the baby was sick...I was sick...John was sick and then...bless her heart...she said that was even more reason for her to take the boys for a few hours.

So she will be taking them tomorrow around lunchtime and I think we will actually spend our coveted grown up alone time trying to get a few hours sleep. I know...EXCITING!

I have so many plans I wanted to get accomplished over this holiday weekend but I'm not sure any are going to get done. I may try and recaulk the master bathroom myself tomorrow if I can manage.

I don't feel just horrible but I think it could easily turn into something if I don't get some rest and take it easy. I have a tendency to push myself instead of recognizing that I need to take a break and let things/projects go.

We shall see.

Hope you had a Happy New Year!