Not me, Monday.

And now a list of things that I totally did not do in the last week...

As I was pacing the floor with Colin, I did not see pears on his eyebrow from an attempt to get him to eat something, and lick them off. Not me! I would have stopped and gotten him a warm washcloth and bathed his little face lovingly.

After arguing with my husband about something truly stupid, I never would have intentionally hidden his gym shoes so he couldn't go work out. Not me! I am above such petty, childish acts. I would have sat down with him and talked about my need for him to stay home and help me with the boys in a mature, adult fashion. Our marriage is a beacon for all others and we never drop down to such tactics.

I did not put bacon in the microwave for Josh and instead of setting it for 30 seconds set it for 3 minutes. Not me! I'm a culinary genius and everything I cook turns out to perfection.

I did not let Josh and Patrick stay in their jammies for 3 days straight and finally Josh said, "Mommy...don't we need to take a shower some time?" I also did not forget to have them brush their teeth for 2 days either. Not me! I am a mother who is on top of it at all times and even when I'm exhausted I keep my kids clean and healthy.

I did not tell my 6 year old that Santa had a month clause where he could come back and take all the toys he brought if you didn't behave. Not me! I'm a patient mother who uses these little instances as teachable moments.

I did not make a resolution to get healthy this year and stop eating junk and drop 15pounds then follow it up THE VERY NEXT DAY by eating a cheddar burger, chili fries and a chocolate peanut butter shake at Johnny Rockets. Not me! I am the very picture of willpower.

I most certainly did not take the offer of my very sweet neighbor to take the boys for a few hours so John and I could get some sleep and then spend that time vegging out on the couch playing the Wii. Not me! I would have used this time wisely to catch up on my sleep or do the mounds of laundry around my house.

Because my office has been really quiet lately, I certainly did not bring a book with me to read. Not me! I am a productive employee who never would have taken advantage of my company in such a way by reading a book in my office, while wearing comfy socks and drinking hot chocolate. I would have taken initiative and found something to do to keep myself busy.