We may be heading back to the doctor...

**UPDATE** Colin woke up from his nap and took 5 ozs. He normally takes between 6-8 but I'll take 5. Our pediatrician called me from home...he is out of the office today so I had left a message for him. He said Colin should be much better at this point so it sounds like the infection has moved into his chest and this antibiotic isn't doing its job. He is phoning in a stronger antibiotic and wants us to keep a check on his breathing and go from there. Said this med should make him feel better in a couple days and if not, call back on Saturday or Monday.

Poor baby is just miserable and I guess we are in for another few sleepless nights. I just want him to feel better and not be so uncomfortable. I've been being his pillow for the last few days and he sleeps so much better like that than lying in his bed.



Even after 4 1/2 days on the antibiotic Colin doesn't seem to be improving. In fact, he seems to be getting worse. The doctor told us to call him back on Friday if things didn't look drastically better but I'm thinking we may go see him today.

He is just miserable and now he is refusing to eat. He hasn't had anything since 3:30 this morning.

My mother is with him right now so I could finish up a couple things in the office and once he wakes up from his nap if he won't take his bottle or eat any fruit or sweet potatoes (his favorite) then I'm taking him back in.

I know everything will be closed tomorrow and maybe I'm being paranoid but better safe than sorry.

I know how fast Josh went from a minor cold to full blown RSV and in the hospital for 4 days when he was a baby so I get a little antsy about these things...

No more tears...and whole hearted

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. Revelation 21:4

Can you imagine a place like this? No tears. No pain. No crying. No death.

I was talking to a non Christian close friend this morning and we got around to talking about death. She told me she wishes she had faith because then she would have something to look forward to and believe there will be something more when we die. But, she believes once you die you are dead. There is nothing more.

What a sad way to go through life.

Something Josh reminded me of recently. I can't remember exactly when we started doing this but as I leave for my office each morning the boys are usually at the breakfast table, eating. I give them a kiss on the head and tell them I love them. Josh will ask me, "How much?" And I say..."My whole heart." This satisfies him and he goes back to his cereal and Sponge Bob. Yes...I let my kids watch Sponge Bob. Bygones...not the point of this.

When I was driving into the office...I do all my best thinking and talking to God and worshipping in my car on my half hour drive in...I thought about loving with my whole heart.

I can assure you I love my husband with my whole heart. I haven't always been able to say this in the last 8 1/2 years but in the last 2? Absolutely. I love my kids with my whole heart. And I love my friends with my whole heart. I love them warts and all and I accept them how they are. They disappoint me at times and they make me angry at times and they hurt me at times...but I love them whole hearted.

Do I love Jesus with my whole heart or do I hold back a portion? Do I chase after him with such passion that my heart explodes?

Now is the time I always think back over the year and make resolutions for the new year that I rarely keep. I'm still working on losing those 10 pounds from 2002.

I'm going to add "Love Jesus with my whole heart" to the list and see where it takes me.

Don't get me wrong...I love Jesus. I love worshipping. I love singing my heart out. I love studying my Bible. I love teaching the Small Group we teach. I love building the relationships I've built over the last few years.

But is it with my whole heart?

My Not So Stellar Night

I promise you that if a roving band of gypsies knocked on my door last night I would have given my two oldest children to them. I take that back...I would have PAID the gypsies to take them.

Maybe it is after Christmas energy or maybe they are tired of being cooped up with Gran and Grumps. I don't know.

I ended up blowing up at Patrick, who absolutely deserved to be punished, but I should have handled it better than I did.

John got home to a very cranky wife, one kid upstairs sulking, one kid downstairs crying because his older brother hurt his feelings and a sick baby.

I did have dinner on the table though so it wasn't a total disaster.

He gave me an hour to myself to unwind and get things back under control.

Now today I'll suffer Mom Guilt about how I should have sat down with them and talked it out and used it as a teachable moment.

But last night...yeah...gypsies.

Selfish Desires

I just wrapped up a lesson on prayer from Ephesians. It was so needed right now. All about how we sometimes want to treat God like a giant pinata and we pray to him our desires then whack him with our prayer stick and expect him to pour out blessings on us. Vivid imagery thinking of God as a pinata, huh?

Part of my gift for Christmas is that later in January three very close friends are flying in from Chicago to visit me for 4 days. I am beyond excited by this because with having Colin and being pregnant I haven't gotten to see them in over a year. I miss them so much. We keep in touch daily via email and blogs and whatnot but there is something about having them here, being able to hug on them and have them meet my little guy.

Now, all 3 of these ladies are not Christians. They are so respectful of my beliefs and I talk about them openly but they are not interested in pursuing a relationship with God. They know I pray for them. They know where I stand.

Well the minute I found out they were coming I started stressing out over the church service that Sunday. I planned on asking them to accompany me to my church and I know that they will do it out of love for me even though it isn't something they would normally do.

Will the music be just right? Will the pastor's sermon be something amazing? Should I call and explain to him that he needs to pump it up a notch for my girls? I started telling God that I needed him to show up in a major way...really do something spectacular to reveal himself to my friends and something they can't deny is the power of God.

And then my Abba, Father convicted me that I'm praying for something that is a very true desire of my heart but I'm going about it the wrong way. It isn't my job to arrange things perfectly so they are overcome and turn to him.

It is my job to live my life daily as a witness and let him do the rest. Plant the seed. Expose them to my life on a daily basis and things I struggle with and overcome with God's grace. Not orchestrate an amazing worship service. Not have everything in place for this show to be played out. Maybe the service will be something amazing that day but that isn't the point.

My prayer needs to be that God works his will in whatever way he sees fit and I'm there to glorify and honor him no matter what. His will...not mine and how I think it should play out.

So my prayer is changing from wanting everything to be perfect to wanting everything to be how God wants it. It isn't my job to save people...it's my job to live a life of example.

More pictures from Christmas...

I love Christmas but I'm glad it is over...

I woke up yesterday morning and just needed to clean things. All the clutter. All the decorations. The tree. The leftovers. Everything had to go. All that is left are the outdoor decorations and I'll get John to take those down on Thursday.

We had such a good Christmas. The boys were happy with their gift...a Wii. John surprised me with a gift card to the spa I frequent, a DVD, and a book. My parents gave me a new blender/food processor, a stick blender and new towels. John's parents gave us money for us to buy our own gifts.

We drove down to see John's kids and parents on Saturday. I made a concentrated effort this year with his kids. Things are progressing but slowly. Usually we give them money because their mother would throw away gifts we gave. This year we gave them money but I took time to specifically select a book for each of them...something I knew would be meaningful based on my recent conversations with them. I got my stepdaughter a book all about horses and she loved it. My youngest stepson got a book all about the history of Alabama football and he was pleased. My oldest stepson got a book about world history and he seemed to like it as well. I also got each of them some clothes. This brings me to our next hurdle...

When the kids come to our house we immediately have to wash the clothes they bring in their suitcase. We don't do it so they see us but their clothes smell so bad we have to do something. They have a bunch of pets they have taken in over the last few years and the entire house smells like cat urine. The clothes have pet fur all over them and they smell horrible. Usually we can get the clothes to an acceptable level but the shoes are another story. John washed one pair 2 times and they still smelled to high heaven of cat pee. He mentioned it to their mother when he took them home and she gave him a very curt, "I don't smell anything" as an answer.

I'm not sure what we can do other than start buying clothes/shoes for them to keep at our house. I can only imagine how other kids react to them at church for instance. I mean this is not just a faint smell...they stink. I have mentioned to John that he needs to have a talk with the 15 year old about deodorant and maybe try to talk to him. I don't want to hurt their feelings but I seriously wanted to gag when they got in the car last weekend. How their mother can let her children go out like this and live in these conditions floors me.

Any suggestions?

A quick update and picture

Colin has ear infections in both ears. We spent most of Saturday at the doctor's office. He is miserable but at least he is on an antibiotic now. Mommy and Daddy are getting very little sleep. The boys don't understand we need them to be very quiet while Colin is resting in his own bed because it is happening so little.

Back to work tomorrow for 3 days then off Thursday and Friday. More pictures and Christmas stories when I have more time from my office in the morning.

Christmas

So...I'm sick...Josh is sick...Colin is sick.

John and Patrick seem to be the only ones who have escaped.

I'm on the down end of this cold...Josh is in the middle and poor Colin is just at the beginning. And he has a tooth coming in on the bottom so he is overjoyed today.

I have taken lots of pictures but not sure quite yet how to download them from the new camera to the computer. Will probably try to work on that tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, John's company is not closed...but I talked him into taking a vacation day so he can stay home with us. Now that this cold is going around I am SO glad he'll be here.

We're staying in all day tomorrow then heading to Grandma's house on Saturday.

Hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas!

Present!

John and I usually don't give each other gifts at Christmas. Or at least we say we don't then he goes and totally breaks our agreement or I happen to get him something from Santa.

ANYway this year we got ourselves a nifty new camera! I can't wait to try it out and take some pictures of the boys at Christmas.

The Little Drummer Boy

I've always liked The Little Drummer Boy Christmas song. It was playing as I was driving home on Friday and as I listened to the lyrics God revealed something to me I've never thought of before in the song.

The little drummer boy tells the baby he is a poor boy too and has no gift to bring. Not only does he recognize he has no gift but that even any gift he COULD bring would not be fit to give the King.

The little drummer boy examines what he DOES have...his drum and his ability to play it.

The song continues and he says he played his drum for Him. He played his BEST for Him. Upon hearing this offering the baby smiled at the little drummer boy.

This is the part that struck me. Not only did the little drummer boy take what gift he did have but he played his BEST. Not just a quick get it over with obligation but his BEST.

How often do I worship with my best? Or do I do it as something to check off a list? A task? Something you do on Sundays?

So I am challenged by a song written 50 years ago to not only come to Jesus with a gift but to give him my best.

Then he smiled at me...

Honesty

After my last post about the abortion I had, I've had a couple "How could you have done that" questions/comments.

I get that...I really do. Trust me I ask myself the same question often. How could I have? Knowing how much I treasure my boys? Knowing how wrong a choice for me it was? Knowing how many people have lost their children and cannot possibly understand willingly giving up life?

I can't justify my decision and I promise you there is nothing you can say to me that I haven't said to myself over the last few years about how horrible I was for the choice I made.

I can only tell you I was in sin...deeply. I'm sure we all have been there and have made choices we regret and can do nothing to reverse. I believe in God's grace and I believe he gives it to every one of us freely if we ask. I don't believe in levels of sin. It's all ugly. It's all wrong. God hates it all.

I really hope that this isn't an issue on which you feel you can no longer read my blog or want to steer clear but if you do feel that way, I accept that and still pray for anybody reading now or that has read in the past.

I've mentioned I'm an open book and sometimes it gets me in trouble but I fully admit I'm not perfect...far from it. On my very best day I still don't deserve God's grace. My BEST day is still unworthy of the grace God has given me.

I don't mind you disagreeing with me. I don't mind you posting a different perspective or asking me questions.

And if I've told you I've prayed for you in the past...I have and will continue to do so on any issue or topic you ask me to pray about.

The Mother Letter Project

This was a very hard project for me to participate in but it was something I kept being led back to so I think I needed to do it.

If you are not familiar with The Mother Letter Project click on the button below.





Dear Mother,

The day I first found out I was going to be a mother I was so afraid. It was 2 days before my 21st birthday and I wasn't married. I remember driving to the house I grew up in to tell you and Daddy the news. You thought I was there to tell you I was getting engaged to the man I had been dating because the visit was so unexpected. I told you I needed to tell you something and you smiled at me and led the way upstairs. I dreaded every single step because I knew I was about to break your heart.

I told you the news and you cried. I couldn't even begin to think of how to tell my Daddy so you went downstairs and did it for me. And you told me years later that he cried too.

A few months after I broke the news to you I remember sitting at your kitchen table and I had been so sick. I had my head down and you asked me in a gruff voice what was the matter. I looked up at you and said, "Nobody is happy about this baby and it makes me sad because I should get to be happy...You should be happy."

From that moment on you treated my pregnancy and the baby in a different way. You began to tell people that you were going to be a grandmother with a huge smile on your face instead of acting as if we should hang our head in shame and not mention it.

You began to buy things for this new life and help me talk about it in a joyful way.

When my pregnancy took a turn for the worse and we were afraid of the outcome you were there with me at every doctor's appointment. When our precious Patrick was born you were there. You held his little 4 pound body and you loved him instantly. I think Patrick will always hold a very special place in your heart. Your first grandchild.

The second time I found out I was going to be a mommy I was happy. I had married a wonderful man and we weren't actively trying to have a baby but we weren't preventing it either. We had a uneventful pregnacy this time and you were so happy for us. Again, when our precious Josh was born...you were there and you loved him instantly.

The third time I found out I was going to be a mommy I was devastated. My life was in such shambles. I was so deep in sin and so far away from God. I had been having an ongoing affair and the baby was possibly a result of that affair. To cover up my sin I did the unthinkable and I had an abortion. Not a day goes by I don't regret that choice and grieve for the baby I don't have. After I got things right and God drew me back to him and poured out his grace on me I came to you and told you I had something to tell you. And...I broke your heart again with the news about the abortion I had. But...you were there.

The 4th time I found out I was going to be a mommy I sank to my knees and cried pure tears of joy as I said over and over again..."Thank you, Father God...Thank you."

We had been trying to have another baby and had prayed about it and whether or not it was God's plan for us. We had agreed to accept whatever God allowed to happen and that is why we didn't tell anyone we were trying to have another baby.

This time I wanted to wait and tell you at Thanksgiving but I couldn't hold it in. We were sitting in the parking lot of Wal-mart (of all places!) and I told you I had something to tell you. You almost didn't believe me and your face registered the shock of it when you realized I was serious. And you cried...wonderful tears of happiness that we were going to welcome in another little baby to our family. When our precious Colin was born...you were there.

I've made so many mistakes as a mother. Some I can work on correcting and some...I can never take back and I have to face that.

But, mother...you have always been there and I thank you for it.

You were not a perfect mother but you have loved me with a perfect unconditional love.

I hope I do the same to my children.

Love,
Kristin

Thankful Thursday...and the church

I am so very thankful for our church. The relationships we have made. The way I feel God's presence during the service. Our wonderful pastor. Our worship leader and praise team. The people...the body of Christ...his bride.

I have been in churches my whole life and there have been many times I would leave and not feel like I had been at church at all. No fire. No conviction. I would sit during the sermon and think about what I was going to make for lunch and the load of laundry I needed to do and the oil needed changed in the car...etc. You know that feeling?

The church we now have called home for the last 2 years is so different than others I have been in. I've never left and not felt that I had been in the presence of God.

I got to thinking about this though and the church isn't there to serve my needs. It isn't there to do something for me.

That is just a bonus.

The church is there for me to go and worship and glorify God. Whether I like the music...or the sermon...or I feel anything.

I'm there for God...not myself.

Christmas Pics

A few pictures of Christmas decorating at our house...

Our tree...



I saw this in a magazine and just loved it so John did it for me...it turned out so perfect right above the main door into our home...



Colin had all he could stand...



Notice the addition Josh added to our tree from his army set...



Random table with old Christmas pictures of Patrick and Josh...



Colin Round 2...



New Stockings...

Thankful Thursday...a day late.

Time got away from me yesterday and I never got around to posting...

Things I'm specifically thankful for right now:

1) The relationship I have with my husband and my kids

2) Our church family

3) Having men that are Christians in the leadership roles in my company

4) Sunshine


Please pray for the Kelley family. Mr. Kelley is in John's Top Gun group at church and his 21 year old stepson shot and killed himself yesterday afternoon. John and the Top Gun group went to the home last night to take food for the relatives and family that have gathered and he said it was pitiful. Mr. Kelley blames himself for this because there had been some tension between him and his stepson in years past. However, he had been telling the group that he thought things were getting better.

Such a very sad and tragic situation. Lift them up.

A few pictures...

Prayer and a true picture of grace...

Our small group has been doing a study in Ephesians and I am learning so much from such a small book.

One area I am focusing on is prayer. Who do we pray to? How do we pray? Why do we pray? We pray to God, through Jesus, by the power of the Holy Spirit. We pray with a respectful and reverent heart and not treat prayer as a way to manipulate God to get our desires...even if they are good desires.

We pray to have intimacy with God and with each other. There is something very powerful about praying for others. I have been keeping a list of people I am praying for and my prayers are so much more focused and I feel so much more of an intimacy with God and with other people.

I am a huge fan of the concept of grace yet sometimes I withhold my grace from others. I will hang on to a grudge or keep bitterness in a tiny place in my heart...but it is there.

Have you heard about this pilot that crashed his plane into a home in CA? It killed a mother, grandmother and 2 small children. The man of the house was not home when it occurred but he has spoken out asking people to please pray for the pilot.

Can you imagine? This man has lost his wife, his mother in law and both his babies. And he wants us to pray for the pilot and how he is feeling right now.

Some excerpts from his statement:

"Please pray for him not to suffer from this accident," a distraught Dong Yun Yoon told reporters gathered near the site of Monday's crash of an F/A-18D jet in San Diego's University City community.

"He is one of our treasures for the country," Yoon said in accented English punctuated by long pauses while he tried to maintain his composure.

"I don't blame him. I don't have any hard feelings. I know he did everything he could," said Yoon, flanked by members of San Diego's Korean community, relatives and members from the family's church.

That is grace.

How can I expect God to give me his grace if I don't extend it to others?

All over the place...

This will be across the board because I have so many things I want to post about today.

To start...please pray for Trisha and Dustin. They lost their beautiful son, Max, on Friday. His memorial service is on Saturday. You can read more about their story and see pictures of this little angel at their blog... www.ourmiraclemax.blogspot.com

Next, I ran across a website that makes these wonderful Mommy Necklaces and 25% of the proceeds are donated to String of Pearls. I emailed Jennifer and told her of a specific request I had in mind and I got my necklace in the mail yesterday. It is just perfect. I am going to try and take a good picture tonight so I can post it. Jennifer's website is www.mommynecklace.blogspot.com

My oldest, Patrick, came home yesterday afternoon and said, "Mom, will I be home on Saturday?" I told him that as far as I knew he would be and then he told me when he was outside in our neighborhood riding his bike an older lady that apparently has moved in one street over asked him if he wanted a job. The contractors that built her house left a huge pile of bricks in the front of her house and she needs them moved to the back so she can use them for a flower bed. He said she can't walk that good and she told him if he would come over on Saturday morning to move them she would provide him with a wheelbarrow and pay him $5 an hour until he finished.

He said he told her he would need to ask his parents to make sure that was okay but that he would come over and do it and he didn't want any money.

Now if you knew Patrick you would know how much this touches me. Patrick ALWAYS asks how much I'm going to pay him if I ask him to do anything for me. He covets his allowance weekly and spends it as soon as it hits his wallet. He has a list a mile long of things he wants to buy.

When I asked him if he was sure he wanted to do the job for free he said to me, "Yeah...I do. I think she is alone and has no one to help her and I know she can't lift all those and I can so I should do it for nothing. Or...if she makes me take money I'm going to tell her I'm going to give it to our church Christmas fund to help people in our city. I would feel bad to keep her money."

I am so blessed by my children. I have worried about Patrick as he ages not having a giving heart because he tends to be selfish about things. He sees me volunteer with many organizations and I have wondered why he doesn't seem to get it. But I know in him telling me this that I am getting through to him. He IS getting it and God is getting through to his heart. He humbled me by his generous spirit. He has a plan now to ask tonight at church if any of the other youth might want to come over and help and maybe rake leaves and do some other things for the lady.

It made me very proud of my son.

Shoes!

I love these shoes. I saw them at the mall recently on the clearance rack and they just happened to be in my size and I tried them on and they looked SO GOOD.

But, I am trying very hard to curb my spending from here on out so I didn't get them. Now I have shoe remorse.

I called John while I was at the mall and told him I needed him to talk me down from a shoe ledge. He is so very practical. He asked me how many times I would probably wear these magical shoes? How many things I had that matched them? Did they hurt my feet?

I sadly left them in the store and once I got home and showed John what they looked like he said they looked like stripper shoes so he's glad I left them there.

Tearing down the dam...

I have used this analogy with several people over the last few months and it has been so valuable to me in my marriage and in talking to others about problems and issues they have in their relationships.

Relationships are like a big huge dam holding back a ton of water. The water is what life throws at you. Trials. Problems. Spiritual attacks on your relationship. You name it.

Many times, myself included, we try to put band aids on the dam to keep the water from spilling out. This rarely works. Little leaks start to form and we just put another band aid on it. And another leak pops up and another and another...

In order to truly fix the dam, you have to tear it down completely and start over, building it stronger. Building it around God. Turning it over to him and stop trying to fix things on your own.

Boy did I learn this lesson the hard way.

But, once we tore down our dam and rebuilt it, allowing God to direct our steps, we have a firm foundation.

Sure he still drives me nuts at times and I know I have quirks that make him insane. But...we are in this. We aren't going anywhere.

We attended a marriage conference a few years back and the central theme was planting your stake in the ground. Letting your partner know you aren't going anywhere. Divorce is not an option. You're in this thing for better or worse.

We both like that analogy and at our wedding anniversary the following June, John woke me up early smiling from ear to ear.

He brought a gift from behind his back...a piece of wood.

I smiled and accepted it graciously, much like you do when your child brings you something they made at school and you have no clue what it is or what it does but know that it has meaning to them. He kept on smiling and I stared at this piece of wood trying to figure out what the deal was.

Then he said, "Get it? It's a stake! My stake is in the ground. I'm not going anywhere."

Such a sweet, meaningful gift that now sits in the window next to my bedside table. I love when guests asks me about the piece of wood in our bedroom and I can share the story with them.

A Beginning

I have been praying over an issue for a long time now and I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. I have been a step mother for almost 9 years and the last 3 or so haven't been good. My step children have a bitterness against me and I have one against them. Their mother has done everything she can to poison any relationship I could have with them and I haven't done all I should have done to nurture that relationship. I basically gave up.

It reached the point where when the kids did visit us they pretended I did not exist. I mean no speaking to me, walking right past me, seeing me in a room and not acknowledging my presence, etc. Yes, I'm the adult and I should be the bigger person, but y'all I'm also human and it hurt. So I sunk deeper into my resentment and I just didn't speak to them either. That will teach them! :o)

I know this has put such a toll on my sweet husband and I know it hurts him. It hurts me when I sit down and really think about it and not just hold onto my anger and resentment.

Well. I have been praying over this issue. I have told God my heart and the anger and bitterness toward these kids and theirs toward me. (They are 15, 12 & 12 by the way. Yes, a set of twins).

This is an area in my life I have never given to God. I've held onto it and tried to work through it on my own, which will never work, but I'm stubborn like that.

John and I decided a few weeks ago to sit down with the kids and talk. Really talk. Tell them our hearts. Listen to theirs. Talk about our issues. Get it all out on the table and say whatever needed to be said and try to rebuild a relationship before we lose them completely.

I have been so nervous about this and I have prayed, prayed, prayed about it.

So we sat down with them on Friday night for about an hour and just talked. And, it went well. They were quiet at first but the more John and I opened up to them the more they talked to us and we had such a different kind of weekend.

I know we still have a lot of work to do and it will be awkward at first but I feel for the first time in years we are on the right path.

I have prayed time and time again, "Father, you know my heart on this. I give it to you..." and I can feel my attitude toward them changing.

I know there are going to be roadblocks...especially with their mother...but I am going to see this through and in the end, if they fall away from us then I want us to know we tried as hard as we could to hold them close.

"I give it to you..."

New Look! And hi there!

As you can tell, if you have ever visited before, I have a new look. I won a raffle from donating to a cause Danielle was pushing and she did this beautiful blog make over for me with some extras I chipped in for.

If you are visiting my blog for the first time as a result of seeing it on Danielle's site (which is fabulous by the way) I figured I would give you a little more background on me other than my extremely lengthy profile.

Like I said in the profile, I am an open book. This drives my husband nuts at times because he thinks I share WAY too much. But, I like to think that if one person can learn from mistakes I've made (and boy there are a lot of them) then it is worth it.

A few random facts about me:

I can't spell.
I love black licorice.
I love music.
I love to travel and do it as much as I can.
I have way too many pets because I can't seem to turn down an animal needing a home.
I have a full time job but I also do a lot of volunteer work, mainly with Birmingham City Schools and a literacy program.
My husband is 9 years older than me and a completely lovable dork. I mean that in the best possible way.
I'm a good friend.

I love comments on my blog and interacting with people so feel free to comment, argue with me, tell me your opinion on issues, tell me about yourself...anything.

I've had a Live Journal for 5 years and am just starting to try out Blogger.

Now...if you are still with me and reading, a few more serious things about me:

I am 100% in love with my husband and even more important...I'm 100% committed to our marriage. I haven't always been able to say that. In fact, there was a season in my life that I almost walked away from him and my family for another person.

So...yes, I had an affair a few years ago. My husband found it in his heart to forgive me and we not only sought out counseling, we rebuilt our marriage from the ground up instead of just trying to put band-aids on our issues.

I'm not saying it always works out like this but God has used the affair I had for good. I have been able to counsel several couples and several women on both sides of the fence. "What you meant for evil, God has used for good..."

I spend half of my blog time talking about my observations about God and the other half talking about shoes, shopping and my kids so if that interests you, then please visit often, tell me what is going on in your head and please tell me if I can pray for you about anything. I am focusing on my prayer life a good bit over the next few months and I would love to pray for you and your needs.

Thanks for visiting and I hope to see you again real soon!

Merry Christmas from Patrick, Josh & Colin

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Thankful Thursday

Thank you, Father that you hold my tongue for me sometimes when I'm ready to run off at the mouth.

I am thankful today for my husband and everything he has done in the last year to help make our marriage and family stronger.

I am thankful for Patrick and his impatience to grow up. He has so much to learn but I am thankful for his inquisitive nature.

I am thankful for Josh and his kind heart. He is so easy going about most things and I am glad for his personality.

I am thankful for my sweet, sweet Colin and that big gorgeous smile he gives me in the mornings when I go in and see him for the first time.

I am thankful for the friends in my life both near and far and for those I've never even met face to face but have so many things in common with.

I am thankful for the health of my family. I take it for granted each and every single day and I am humbly reminded of it when I see others struggle with burdens they have health-wise or have to go through with their children.

Feel free to add any of your own.

Sacramento and other random things

1) I'm going to Sacto in April to have a great weekend with my fabulous girls from Chicago. So looking forward to this. I have been as far as New Mexico out west so I'm excited to go to CA.

2) Patrick announced at dinner last night out of the blue as he was looking over the menu, "Yeah...I think I'm going to be more of a whiskey man than a vodka one..." Oh, really? GOOD TO KNOW THERE SON.

3) I am going to get back into my literacy volunteering with the inner city schools in Birmingham. This is something near and dear to my heart that I have done for 5 years now. I took a break off this school year to have Colin but now I think I'm ready to ease back in. I miss getting to know a new group of kids. I miss reading to them and even grading their book reports.

4) I have found this chocolate shop and they have the best hot chocolate mix and I don't even really like chocolate but this is oh so good. My plan to drop another 15 pounds is going just swimmingly every time I drink a cup of this delicious calorie loaded drink.

5) I sure am lucky to be where I am right now in my life. This morning I had an overwhelming sense of thankfulness. I started listing all the things I have to be so thankful for and half an hour later I was spent and still had plenty to go...

6) My blog is getting a make over soon and I'm excited to see how it turns out. Stay tuned!

Consume me from the inside out

To go along hand in hand with my post from yesterday...

We sing this song at church every so often and it is one of my absolute favorites. Music is such a big part of my life and I can stand in our sanctuary, hear the swell of the band during this song, close my eyes, focus on the lyrics and feel God moving through our congregation. It is chilling and amazing and I love to hear the first few notes, knowing we are about to experience something awesome.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

What consumes you eventually conforms you.

This was a central theme in our guest pastor's sermon yesterday. Really think about it. What consumes you eventually conforms you.

His sermon was titled, "Worship Matters" and we walked through what idols are in our lives that replace God. Everyone is a worshipper...the question becomes...what is it that you are worshipping?

Money? Success? Relationships? Your kids? Sports? Want to guess how many uncomfortable people there were when he made the comment, "How many Sundays have you missed worshipping your God because your child had a ballgame?" Couple of very loud AMENS. :o)

Psalms 115: 1-8

Not to us, O LORD, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness.

Why do the nations say, "Where is their God?"

Our God is in heaven; he does whatever pleases him.

But their idols are silver and gold, made by the hands of men.

They have mouths, but cannot speak, eyes, but they cannot see;
they have ears, but cannot hear, noses, but they cannot smell;
they have hands, but cannot feel, feet, but they cannot walk;
nor can they utter a sound with their throats.

Those who make them will be like them, and so will all who trust in them.

Their idols are silver and gold...pretty to look at...but useless. They have mouths, eyes, ears, noses, hands and feet but can do nothing. Our God is in heaven and DOES WHATEVER HE PLEASES.

Isn't that an awesome thought?

I think people are born with wanting a purpose, a goal, a plan, a place to fit, longing, desire to belong to something bigger than themselves, etc. This is why I think there are so many addictions out there. People looking for something to make them feel whole. Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Exercise. Shopping. Eating. Money. Success. Being a super parent. Being a super spouse. Being a super anything. Something to make us feel complete. There is nothing wrong with having ambition or goals but does it consume my life?

To find out what you worship follow the trail of how you spend your time, your money, your thoughts...If I'm consumed by something I'm going to shape my life around it. I'm going to want to do whatever I can to be filled with it. It will be an overwhelming desire for me to draw near to it, to learn all I can about it, to have it all around me.

That's my prayer. To be consumed with Christ.It may sound crazy to you but oh the desire of my heart to be consumed. To have as much passion for my God as I see others have for a sports team or a relationship or a job or a hobby...

I'm so not there and I doubt I'll ever really be but I pray I step closer every day...that I learn from my failures...that I trust in God's perfect plan even when I can't see how it works...that I live a life of example and not just words.