A Beginning

I have been praying over an issue for a long time now and I am beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. I have been a step mother for almost 9 years and the last 3 or so haven't been good. My step children have a bitterness against me and I have one against them. Their mother has done everything she can to poison any relationship I could have with them and I haven't done all I should have done to nurture that relationship. I basically gave up.

It reached the point where when the kids did visit us they pretended I did not exist. I mean no speaking to me, walking right past me, seeing me in a room and not acknowledging my presence, etc. Yes, I'm the adult and I should be the bigger person, but y'all I'm also human and it hurt. So I sunk deeper into my resentment and I just didn't speak to them either. That will teach them! :o)

I know this has put such a toll on my sweet husband and I know it hurts him. It hurts me when I sit down and really think about it and not just hold onto my anger and resentment.

Well. I have been praying over this issue. I have told God my heart and the anger and bitterness toward these kids and theirs toward me. (They are 15, 12 & 12 by the way. Yes, a set of twins).

This is an area in my life I have never given to God. I've held onto it and tried to work through it on my own, which will never work, but I'm stubborn like that.

John and I decided a few weeks ago to sit down with the kids and talk. Really talk. Tell them our hearts. Listen to theirs. Talk about our issues. Get it all out on the table and say whatever needed to be said and try to rebuild a relationship before we lose them completely.

I have been so nervous about this and I have prayed, prayed, prayed about it.

So we sat down with them on Friday night for about an hour and just talked. And, it went well. They were quiet at first but the more John and I opened up to them the more they talked to us and we had such a different kind of weekend.

I know we still have a lot of work to do and it will be awkward at first but I feel for the first time in years we are on the right path.

I have prayed time and time again, "Father, you know my heart on this. I give it to you..." and I can feel my attitude toward them changing.

I know there are going to be roadblocks...especially with their mother...but I am going to see this through and in the end, if they fall away from us then I want us to know we tried as hard as we could to hold them close.

"I give it to you..."